Frustration

Yes, I’m frustrated. About what, you ask? Work? No, work’s no worse than usual and in fact better than some semesters, especially since I’m running the state BOR CS dog-and-pony show on Thursday and Friday. At least there I get to hang with a couple of friends for a bit.

Home? Hah! Home life is simply frabjous, a far cry from most of my “starter marriage.” I frequently wonder how I could have been in such a mess for so long, and come out of it so well, and found such a guy.

So what’s left? SCHOOL!

I went down the first week of classes and showed Junco the AB work I’ve been doing. We talked. I could tell that she didn’t “get it” but I thought she was at least trying. I went back the next week. We talked more. She doesn’t get it. She’s convinced I WILL still be a weaver, since I came into the program as a weaver and I’m SUPPOSED to be a weaver.

Goddess, I hate being pigeonholed. Squawk, squawk, squawk.

So I figure I’m at a crossroads with grad school. There wouldn’t be much question if I was nearly done — I’d suck it up and finish it out. But I’m only 20% of the way done, and being pushed into starting thesis research prematurely (before I finish my other coursework) so that I don’t get booted out for being part-time. Evidently TPTB don’t want any more part-time students cluttering up their Artistic Space.

Let’s see, I could continue the program as a weaver. Pro: Once I have an MFA I can teach art at the college level IF I can get a job doing so (highly unlikely). I’ll have a credential towards being a Big Name Weaver. Con: Right now the thought of weaving makes me want to curl up in a closet and cry. Weaving is a very solitary activity. Weaving eats up a lot of time and takes forever to produce results. Most of the cutting-edge weaving today is CRAP; most of the beautiful stuff can’t be done on home equipment.

I could continue the program, changing to mixed media. Pro: See #1 above. Con: No guarantee that anyone among TPTB will cooperate, with or without huge amounts of hassle. Altered Art is “outsider art” and academic programs are not friendly to “outside” media. In short, LOTS of hassles for both the medium AND the perceived lack of committment on my part.

I could say screw the program, I’ll just go off and do my own art on my own. Pro: ::sounds of Frank Sinatra singing in background:: I can do my own thing my own way without being forced into other people’s molds, on my own schedule. I will have time to participate in the swaps and collaborative projects I CHOOSE to participate in (still need to be selective). I don’t have to go off in the studio to do stuff, I can do it right there on the sofa beside DH. Con: No degree means can’t teach college, or probably high school (OTOH why would I want to?).

Notice money is NOT mentioned. That’s not an issue with the changes to our tuition program — BOR employees can take anything, job-related or not, on space-available.

Hmmmmm. Seems like the last option has the highest pro versus con ratio…..

1 comment

    • Julia on July 2, 2005 at 12:12 am

    Comments imported from LiveJournal so look a bit wonky….
    usagiweaver
    2005-01-31 21:10
    Break the shackles of academia and EXPRESS YOURSELF!!!

    (Be free, cheesy bread! Be free!!!)

    j00
    2005-01-31 21:37
    I wish you the best of luck with whatever you land up deciding to do!

    I hate college’s buerocracy sometimes.

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