Friendships

Lifehack.org was host­ing a con­test this week ask­ing peo­ple to write blog posts on rela­tion­ships Though enter­ing the con­test doesn’t float my boat (the prizes either don’t do any­thing for me or I already have ‘em!), I was still think­ing about rela­tion­ships, specif­i­cally friend­ships.? Lately I’ve had the unpleas­ant expe­ri­ence of find­ing that some peo­ple aren’t the friends that I thought they were.

Last week I got a pri­vate mes­sage at the Glass Haven from a member:

I have con­sid­ered you a friend since meet­ing you on TAM…you know that right? I was very upset about all of the ban­nings and was out­spo­ken about it. I thought then and now that it was bullshit.

When ***** starts attack­ing me…as he has here, on his blog, at the ISGB and the GLDG…I’m not tak­ing any­more. I know you want to believe in the kinder, gen­tler ***** that started last sum­mer but he has not changed in my eyes or many oth­ers that he has been attacking.

Are you a mem­ber of the ISGB? Did you see the attacks on me…see why he was banned? He did not choose to not re-new his membership…he couldn’t.

I thought we were friends…you talk about your forum as being some­where where every­one is treated with respect… his tag line right after I thought about leav­ing was OK? His flip­ping me off was OK? Obvi­ously I need to con­trol my own temper…but I am not going to let him con­tinue attack­ing. I’m sick of it…I don’t deserve it. He is mad at me because I filed a com­plaint at the ISGB and the result­ing ban. Since then…well as you and oth­ers know, he is like a dog with a bone…he won’t drop it and likes to try to spin it his way.

I miss you and oth­ers here, a lot. That’s why I kept coming…without post­ing to avoid his com­ments. I dread look­ing at PM’s here…I don’t know if you can see them but he likes to use that feature.

I don’t know what to say other than I missed you and *shrug* I don’t know what else to say.

Yes, I had thought we were friends as well. But my only con­tact with this per­son for the past four months is when she vis­its the forum to carry on her feud with the per­son she men­tions. As I said to her:

Friends don’t go vis­it­ing just to trash other people’s homes. I con­sid­ered both you and ***** friends and I don’t appre­ci­ate either of you auto­mat­i­cally expect­ing me to take one side or the other, because I see right and wrong from both of you.

I’ve been online for a long, long time and seen a lot, and cer­tainly know that peo­ple are not always who they seem. I’ve always tried to be authen­tic, myself, and usu­ally done it as well online as I do in real life. The past year or two and the drama in the lam­p­work­ing forum world have nonethe­less been a real eye-opening edu­ca­tion, though.

I don’t go to TAM — I am no longer wel­come there — but I do have sources that keep me informed. It’s not fun to be a focus of hos­til­ity from peo­ple who don’t know me at all; it’s hurt­ful to see peo­ple that I thought were friends believ­ing the dis­torted half-truths and out­right lies told about me by those who regard me as Scum of the Earth (either overtly by agree­ing with them, or com­plic­itly by their silence); it’s dis­heart­en­ing and down­right dis­gust­ing to see indi­vid­u­als who loudly pro­claim their posi­tion as “Spokesper­son For All That is Right and True” try to destroy my rep­u­ta­tion because I main­tain my own integrity and stand up for my own beliefs in the face of their attacks. Actively com­bat­ing their attacks is futile because prov­ing I DIDN’T do some­thing is damned dif­fi­cult. My only recourse is to main­tain my own integrity…and vent to my TRUE friends.