In the past week we finally moved my two floor looms over to our storage unit up the street.? The big Schacht high-castle loom had been sitting in the living room backed up against DH’s piano ever since he moved in, completely untouched.? That’s been nearly four years now.? The Baby Wolf has moved around a bit, but has been folded up in the corner of my studio ever since I converted it from weaving to lampworking.
In a way those looms were my sanity for many years — weaving was my escape from heartache and depression and just plain annoyance during my first marriage.? Yet that meant that once I left the marriage, weaving held such negative connotations that it became emotionally impossible for me to do.? And THAT, my friends, is what made me quit the program at Georgia State in the end.? I had gone in as a weaver, but I could not continue as one.
We’ve done a lot of clearing out and tossing, decluttering and rearranging, in the time we’ve been together, but it has been very hard to let go of the looms even to this point. Weaving and textiles meant a huge amount to me for quite a long time; in fact in some way they were my identity for almost fifteen years.? Even getting them out of the condo and into storage feels like I’m putting part of myself in storage.? But should that part of me be in storage, or is it actually gone and I should just admit that?
Truthfully, I am wishing there were some simple way to get the looms permanently and completely out of my life right now but still get some final value out of them.? I’ve made a half-hearted attempt to advertise the big loom before, but nothing’s come of it to date.? The Baby Wolf I’ve been reluctant to do even that, just in case I ever wanted to go back to weaving.? At this point, though, I finally just don’t see that happening.? If I ever give up lampworking it will likely be because I physically can’t do it any more, and at that point I probably couldn’t weave any more either.
I guess I’ll try to advertise them once again, but more seriously this time.? If that doesn’t pan out, it will be time to contact Pam and see if the Folk School wants two more looms, and just take one hell of a tax deduction next year.
No one said letting go of the past is easy.? Once you can do it, though, it does make you feel freer and lighter.? That’s a good feeling despite the nostalgia for what is gone.