In a funk

I’ve been in a rather dreadful funk for some time now, and over the last few days have realized that it probably is a fairly significant depressive episode.? Or at least it would be IF I wasn’t on a major dose of EffexorXR every day. Yeah, anti-depressants don’t cure depression, they really just keep it at bay so you can function like a normal human being in good times and like a semi-functional one at bad times.

All I’ve really been wanting to do is sit here and stare mindlessly at the computer screen, allowing it to feed me mostly useless information when I’m not playing Sudoku or Shisen-Sho. I’m tired a lot but it still takes me a long time to fall asleep.? My creative Muse has deserted me, the bitch, and is probably off sipping a fruity frozen drink on a tropical beach somewhere without me.

And people!? Oh gods, people are driving me crazy.? I’m just about ready to go become a hermit, or an anchorite.? I keep telling DH that he and I seem to be the only sane people in existence.? This election has evoked an aura of senseless hostility on all sides the likes of which I’ve never seen.? Regardless of the outcome of next Tuesday’s election, I fear for this country and the basic ideals upon which it was founded.

Then there’s the lampworking community…but that’s a separate post for later…

Since I can’t pinpoint the start of this episode, I don’t know how long it will go on.? I am hoping that at least recognizing it will help me deal with it.? I am also hoping that three and a half weeks off at Christmas will give me some time to just take care of myself.? I don’t LIKE being tired and angry and depressed all the time, after all.

2 comments

    • A on October 29, 2008 at 3:41 pm

    Oh, honey. You know, that’s a slightly more extreme version of EXACTLY what I am going through, too. I just want to sit and stare at the screen or read mindless things or sleep ALL THE TIME.

    My doc suggested that I increase the Effexor … you might give yours a bump, too.

    • Julia on October 29, 2008 at 8:30 pm

    My Effexor is already at 225 mg/day, which is already a pretty high dose. I’m more worried that I’ve developed too much of a tolerance to it and may need to flat-out change drugs. That’s something to discuss with Dr. C. when I see her next.

    I had to reassure DH that his curmudgeonliness is not making things worse — if anything it reassures me that I’m not entirely crazy.

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