Listen to the little voice

Signing up for the latest swap on one of my Yahoo! groups was a mistake, I figured, but I went ahead and did it anyway.? I was right.? It was a round-robin, on a strict deadline, and I do not do terribly well with strict deadlines at the best of times. Right now, with my Muse on hiatus, a creative round-robin was doomed to not go well and it didn’t. No creativity, no motivation, procrastination on the mailings (I really do loathe going to the post office), and no real explanation for any of it — just mental and psychological inability to do anything, or to even talk about it to anyone. So I was dropped from the swap, got my book mailed back to me, and finally got the book I still had into the mail (without any contribution from me, sadly).

Naturally I feel like a total shit, to the point where I have avoided emails and group digests because they just worsened the spiral. I really need to not participate in swaps and round-robins until I can get my procrastination and avoidance behaviors straightened out.? Next time I’ll? listen to the little voice in my head that says, “yes, it sounds cool, but remember, you usually manage to screw these things up despite your best intentions,” and stay out so I don’t piss people off. Just another lesson I’m kind of slow learning, eh?

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